I had myself a fit last night. Not just a puny pity party of woe is me. But a dad-gum throwing guitars, cell phone,knocking over chairs and speakers, swinging from the light fixtures, screaming, pulling my hair out regulation fit. I even spilled a bottle of wine on the counter...what a mess. Thank goodness nobody was at home. Now I don't have these often. It seems about once every five to six years. And it's mostly about a yearning for perfection in something I don't even do. Odd thing is the closer this thing gets to perfection the worse it gets. The further from perfection it strikes me as unbearable. But when it's right it's oh so good and the world could not do with out it. No,no I'm not talking about sex. However ? No forget it. Silly thing about having a depressive fit is you can't just have it about one thing and leave it alone. No, you got to drag up all kinda what ifs to go along with what ever started you out. And one stream of thought leads to fifteen more “dang I wish I had a done it this way or said it that way” I finished up with my fit and crawled to bed with the house destroyed. Maybe around 10 or 10:30. Heres the kicker. God is in on everything. I believe he is in on a good fit as well as the look in a new born babies eyes. 11:30 I'm up. Already with the worst hangover I can recall. Two o'clock I'm just finishing up putting everything back in place. A miracle nothing was broken, just the dark stain on the counter that looks like maybe I chopped somebody's arm off. From two until about five o'clock I set in papa's chair and listened. God works in our lives in the most unusual ways. While we are having fits and cleaning up he is doing significant things in the lives of others that affect us. He works in his ways not ours. He brings peace in the midst of some of the worse fits, hangovers and clean up projects. I'm gona wait at least six years before I have another one of these duesies, I'm thinking.

There is a little bird in the back yard. No, wait, he maybe the biggest bird I ever seen. He only has one leg. One wing doesn't work so good but he can fly fairly good. Every time he lands some where the other bird chase him off. Now he stays kinda close to me cause they don't bother him there. After all the birds have ate he flops around on the ground to find their left overs. When he tries to drink from the bird bath he usually falls in a couple times. But this guy is surviving. He's making a point of making do and doesn't seem to mind at all. I think I got a new bud. A new roll model. Ha, well ya never know.

I felt the need to post this, this morning.  Felt the need to read it over several times. 

Galatians 5:19-24

The Message (MSG)

^19-21 It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom.
^22-23 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

yep, God answers prayers.  But you never know how.  You just got to wait and watch.

I think life would be so much simpler and loving with more of God and less of us.  Something I have got to get back into.

sunrise over state park

boats and nets

impossible

 Up this morning with new thoughts about falling in and out of love.  Still for the life of me just can't figure this falling out of love business.  Falling in love, first there is the attraction.  Not always the look.  Maybe the manner, maybe you over hear words of kindness spoke to another.  Maybe God just points you in the right direction.  You come to know each other and God builds a bond between your hearts that just keeps clinging on.  Bad times, good times the little spark stays.  So called falling out of love just comes from the yearning for something easier.  A distraction a search for something you are not.  A place that insulates you from not caring, and seemingly  UN-complicates your life.   Surrounding your self with others that will help you run away from the part of you that does care.  Then one day it dawns on you.  “Wait a minute, the life that was placed in front of me, even though complicated and sometimes difficult, is where I am suppose to be. It's where true peace lies.  And maybe it's not too late.  Then of course I could be wrong.  I am about a lot of stuff.
Now for another cup of coffee.

a sign

Just a dream that almost came true.

Facebook,

I deleted my facebook page today.  Man I was spending too much time on it.  And the time I was spending was really not good.  Just made me judge and jump to conclusions.  Besides that it was keeping me from doing things of importance.  Well heck things I deem important anyway.  So I will be posting some thoughts and stories here.  Along with a few photos.

Words from my friend Sylvia Jackson,  so true, something I need to be better at: 

You are called to be salt and light, to be different in the best way, to take the high road. "Bless those that curse you, do good to those that hate you, pray for those that despitefully use and persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven." For He loves the righteous and unrighteousness both. Jesus willingly laid down His life for those who hated Him and calls us to love with the same kind of love. Impossible without Him doing it through you. Lord give us this bubble of grace.

you should see the painting

Another act of kindness...bigger than last night ...but there are no acts of kindness better, they are all important. And brought on by God. Two ladies are talking back and forth...I'm trying my best to listen.
I get a word here and there. She gets up to check out ...I ask her how she's doing....She looks up with tear stained eyes but with a big smile. “I'm doing so good now.” she tells me her story. She is from Kentucky ...she has saved up for two years to make this vacation happen for her, her husband ,their daughter, her mom and her husband's mom and dad. She rented a condo for a week, and paid everything up front. They get here to the condo and there is no record of the rental or the money paid. They go through the mad, the pleading the argument but the desk clerk can do nothing. There has been a scam going on here, it was in the paper. She had fallen victim. All her money and vacation gone. They leave the lobby and as they do they hold the door open for a little old lady coming in with the aid of a cane. Still crying she holds the door open. The family gets back into the van ready for the trip back home. The desk clerk catches them as they are backing out. She tells them their vacation is paid for and hands them the keys to their room. Heck, I want to hug her...every body in line wants to hug her...but we don't...we all try and hold back the tears.

Tonight completely different than yesterday..oh man. Yesterday I did not understand nothing most every one I rang up said.. Didn't have a clue...just nodded and smiled, and maybe still pissed them off. Tonight I understood everything. My gosh folks from lower Alabama. A rush of folks from lower Alabama. Dothan, Enterprise, Geneva and Ozark. We so communicated with just lots of “dangs, hecks, yalls and dadgums.” Some “get out of heres and do tells” I feel better, I do. Good people that says good stuff about other people. If you ain't got something good to say, well don't say it. Grinning, cutting up. A lady that taught recently at my old elementary school, Selma Street. How cool she knew all the teachers and the principle when I went. We all said yes sir and yes ma'am to each other and thank you. And would have knocked each other down to open the door for the ladies. After having several days of rude, get out of my way and breaking in line, well tonight was refreshing. I wanted to hug them all. Dang....

Hard to believe after so many walks on the beach it still amazes me. It still excites me when I think I live here...After all these years, all these adventures, all this life, I reach the spot I love. I reach who I am right now, a beach bum maybe. I reach a place of contentment, a place where I wonder more about what God sees in me than other folks. A place with a real sense of humor and the peace that comes from laughing at myself....dang this beach is a pretty good place it is.

I believe we were put on this earth to enjoy. To be content. To feel. To help and love each other.
I can not take myself so seriously... to think I understand anything more.
Nor do I feel the need to waste any more energy to figure out tomorrow. Papa is in charge of that anyway.
So here is a toast to my Facebook friends. Enjoy these days as the gift they are...and peace to all of you.

I went to McDonald's this morning for breakfast. I like to do this all along. Sausage egg biscuit, orange juice and a coffee. Love McDonald's coffee.
The Canadians are all here, most of them in this very same McDonald's. I use to get peaved at them for driving so dang slow but I fixed that last year by starting to drive slower than them. I finally realized after all this time I'm no longer in a hurry to get anywhere. So now I'm the guy all the Canadians are backed up behind, waving their fists and trying to get around me.
I get my biscuit and round the corner. There are six tables lined up. The first five are filled with old Canadian couples - women on one side men on the other. I take the sixth table. The women are so animated. Talking non-stop. Waving their hands. Telling each other about their grand youngins and one of them about her great grand youngins. Showing each other photos on their smart phones. Lively chat to say the least.
I watch and listen as I drop crumbs from my biscuit onto my sweat shirt. Then I notice the five old men. All lined up in their row. All with blank stares. Just looking out at the parking lot and beyond. All holding their coffee cups with both hands on the table in front of them. Every now and then, one takes a sip so I know they are alive. I pick up the last bit of sausage that has fallen from my biscuit and wonder what is going on in the minds of these five fellows. I bet it is reruns of amazing lives. High times, high adventures. Or maybe they are all thinking, “I wish she would shut up. I have to go to the bathroom really bad.” Then it strikes me.
I'm the sixth old man setting there with both hands wrapped around my coffee cup. Staring out into space, thinking about what THEY are thinking about. I jump up and head for a short walk on the beach.....dang, that was close.

I helped a Jamaican guy probably eighteen or so tonight at self-check after the machine locked up. As he was leaving he told me to have a great new year. I told him I was sure gona try. He turned and said “ No, you going to do it mon. Your the only one who can stop it.” He's so dang right. Less maybe you get run over by a truck....but maybe even then. Man, it made me feel good then and as I write this I'm still feeling good. Such Jamaican simple truth.

Oh man, I analyze it, I criticize it. I turn it inside out and outside in. I argue my point and for the life of me can't understand why you don't understand. How could anyone see it different than me. I complicate it, I over state it and then God explains it in the most simplest manner.
Romans 14:1 The Message
14 Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.
And I realize it's me that's weak in the faith department and so over opinionated.

sunset for one

I left the house grumpy this morning. Didn't even give Beasley her proper goodbye, didn't give Naythan his goodbye cracker. I had things on my mind. Things I can't change but never the less things I felt I needed to worry about anyway. We are all meant to encourage each other. To up lift each other. Something sometimes I am the very worst at. My first customer. I tell him to have a nice day he tells me “ don't tell me what kind of day to have.” and he meant it, grumpier than me. I think to myself...right on, that's what I'm talking about. I wanted to tell everyone to kiss my butt. But then the rest of the day customers were so nice, so pleasant, so encouraging. I couldn't help but change my attitude. My whole outlook turned around. Then to top it off this elderly lady pushes her buggy up to the counter. Just a little taller than the buggy. The little white hair she had left was exploded all over her head. Maybe a hundred and fifty years old, maybe one fifty one. Hard to tell at that age. But she didn't look a day over one forty nine. She puts her vienna sausage and loaf of bread on the counter. Then starts to pick up a thirty pack of water. I tell her “No, no I will come around and scan that.” She continues to strain and gets it to the edge of the counter, almost falling backward. I run around the counter and take it from her. “Ma,am why didn't you stop when I told you I would scan it.” She is smiling and never stops smiling and answers “WHAT!” I notice her cell phone is ringing, loud. “I said why didn't you let me scan that.” loud, almost screaming. “Why don't you answer you phone?” Still smiling she says yelling back “ I never answer the damn thing, never use the damn thing. My daughter insist I tote it.” I ring her out. She puts her change in her pocket. Still smiling she yells “And get ride of that worry, God's got it and I could have got that damn water too.” still smiling. How did she know, Dang, I'm tired......nap time.